Alarm Mine Sign
Is this a good rap verse?
Made some improvements to this verse. What do you guys think? I’ve only been writing for a month and a half so I appreciate any advice you can give me as long as it’s constructive. thanks!
I fell asleep last evening, never believing
I would wake up and life would have meaning
But it does it seems, cuz last night I had a dream
And this was the theme
I was gettin’ greeted with daps and pounds
Bein’ met with claps for my sounds
Execs like yes, we found the one
This guy knows how to make the crowds have fun
People screamin’ more, they want an encore
Fans sayin’ can I have you autograph
I want this memory right here to last
I sign the thing, then hear a ring, wish would stop
It’s alarm clock, sayin’ beep, beep, beep
Come back to reality, you were only asleep
Took the dream as a sign, so I wrote down this rhyme
I’m ’bout to get me mine, today I find what I’m after
I just wanna be a rapper
Your rhyme scheme is off.
some words don’t even rhyme
the syllable counts per line don’t match (doesnt have to be exact but the closer the better)
add some literary devices such as alliteration, metaphors, similies
try expanding your vocab. being articulate is one of the biggest things u can do for yourself as a writer, rapper, etc
try not to repeat words “beep beep beep” btw, words like these shouldn’t be in your verse as they can be added as sound effects in the background of your verse when you record.
my suggestion if you want to be a good WRITER -
look at scripts from successful and articulate hip hop artists. ie…talib kweli, common, mos def, etc
NEVER BACK DOWN by BEAST1333 feat. SABOTAGE (SWEDEN) PROD. DON CARLSSON
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